I must be too annoying 4 u.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
