No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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