You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
