I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
