Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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