He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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