I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
