Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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