She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
