I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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