Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
