Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
