you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
