I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
