saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
