the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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