I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
