Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize