The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
