I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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