she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
