we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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