just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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