I wish I could teleport
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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