Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
