And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
