Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
