what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
