my vag is so smooth its legendary
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize