She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
