You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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