Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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