I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
