my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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