There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
