3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
