I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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