R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well you can't waste a boner
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
