Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
