is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize