Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
