I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
