I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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