you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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