a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
