ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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