genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
