Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
