I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
