finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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