i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
