You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
