So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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