would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
