Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
