Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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