so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
