wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
