I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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