At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
