Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
