Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize