do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
