I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
