My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
