my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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