Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
