If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
